How I Think about Relationship Therapy
I see the goal of relationship therapy as supporting each partner in being/becoming a steady, flexible teammate to tackle the “project” you are bringing to therapy—whether the project is sex, repair of trust breaches, parenting, finances, work/life balance, division of domestic labor, life transitions, family dynamics, etc.
This might sound simple, but it’s not necessarily easy. It’s both true that how each person shows up belongs to them and that how each person shows up influences the relationship and their partner. Becoming (or remaining) a strong team when faced with significant differences, life stressors/transitions, and the impact of past relational wounds can surface profound challenges. Partners may not even be aligned on which issue they want to tackle or the underlying values shaping each person’s perspective.
Becoming a strong teammate means developing the internal capacity to maintain a relational stance that balances openness to influence from your partner with staying true to what feels essential to yourself. It involves growing the ability to co-create durable agreements that allow you to live alongside differences. It includes developing the capacity to make wise, internally congruent decisions—together when possible, but sometimes separately (for example, when making a decision about whether the relationship will continue).
Relationship therapists often describe this as focusing on process rather than content—building skillful ways to communicate, make decisions, and navigate differences, rather than trying to solve a single issue. Strengthening these capacities can help you navigate not only the current “project,” but also the many others relationships inevitably encounter over time.
Click here to read “How To Get the Most Out of Couples Therapy,” which is a great place to go next to learn more.
Services
Couples Therapy: 55 minutes
Patterned after the traditional therapeutic hour, a 55-minute session offers a focused, contained space for meaningful work. It can be a good fit for couples who find that more frequent shorter conversations support presence, thoughtfulness, and emotional steadiness as they navigate personal and relational growth.
Couples Therapy: 85 minutes
An 85-minute session offers a more spacious container for couples who want ample time for each partner to be fully heard and who may be navigating layered or complex dynamics. The extended format supports thoughtful pacing, time to experiment in session with relational strategies that support growth and goals, and development of capacity to hold steady even when seeing things differently. Oftentimes, the longer sessions support increased progress within each session.
“The process of learning how to love and how to become part of a we without destroying yourself is a long-term project. It begins with learning how to love yourself and then learning how to love someone like you, and moves on to the courage to love someone different from you, to learning how to tolerate the vulnerability and struggle over the problem of how to be all you are, which must include a significant other.”